I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
me + whiskey = a bad person
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
