a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
