I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
