Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
