he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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