Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
