hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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