His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
