I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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