I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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