I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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