I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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