If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
