Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
where are my eyebrows?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
