guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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