Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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