he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
