Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
