Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
smell my finger.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
