So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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