Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
