you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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