I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she peed on how many people?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
