I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
