so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
