He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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