Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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