break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
