Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
