Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
