he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
