when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
