Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
