a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
