His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wish my penis had a tongue
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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