you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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