i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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