My room smells like vodka and shame
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
