Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
