you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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