she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
