What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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