One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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