Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
