Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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