hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
