I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We are two peas in an std pod
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
