THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
