I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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