Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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