have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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